I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
