i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
