im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
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