saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
