"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
