sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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