JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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