we have pet lesbian snakes
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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