she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
