The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
