Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
