I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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