Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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