dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
