the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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