I puked a lego.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This show inspires me to have sex in space
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
