An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
