So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
