bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
