And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
