I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
