My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
