I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
