So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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