It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
