when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
