I wish I could punch you in the face.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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