It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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