Cold hands, warm shart.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How does one acquire holy water?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
