It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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