I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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