last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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