There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
