So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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