They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
