Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
