every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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