your parents love me but you hate me
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
