I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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