Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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