it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
