Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
