You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
