Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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