tell your sister to shave her snatch
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
