I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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