im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
