i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
3pm strippers are depressing
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
