I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
