So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
