I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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